Well, I went Christmas shopping, we decided to get a tree tomorrow, our house is being painted, and my grandpa died. All in one day. Have a very merry Christmas everyone!
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My fanfiction, Kingdom Hearts: Old Habits
Chapter one:
[link]Chapter two:
[link]Clubs:
Merry Christmas
Winter Downs
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Credendo Vides
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The habits will find you! D:
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Inspiration is Key to any successful image...
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The habits will find you! D:
I would like to give you a review on what I thought about it, if it's alright with you.
Okay, first of all, your story is very well written and always right to the point, but I would recommend, if you can, adding some detail/depth to what the place is about. I understand that only Kingdom Hearts fans read these kind of fanfictions and know what is going on, because they've seen it from the game, but it wouldn't hurt to at least let others out there know what is going on. So in other words, it would go great if you added in some more detail. But if your approach for detail isn't your thing, then that would be fine, I'd thought it would be a great suggestion if you want to enhance on your writing skills.
Also, I would like to suggest that you should try to separate your sentences just a little bit, so it wouldn't like if everything was all bundled up and very small to read. If people want to read fanfictions, then there's gotta be at least some who like to read very long chapters of them. It would also help that you should separate the dialogue from the paragraphs. It would add some great organization to your stories, and it wouldn't be so confusing to know when the characters may speak or not.
I hope this review has helped, and I'll be sure to read the next chapter when I have enough time to. Keep it up, I'm sure that you're able to produce some good chapters for your story.
Before I go, though, I'm sorry for my bad grammar, I type to fast that I don't pay attention to reading back what I just written. I hope that's no problem with you. If you need any help on anything, though, let me know, and I'll be willing to assist as much as I can.
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Kingdom Hearts: TKW --- *MyFantasiWorld
Conker's Clubhouse --- ~TheCockAndPlucker
Gears of War Fanclub --- ~GearsOfWarClub
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The habits will find you! D:
What I mean by that is try to give the dialogue it's own paragraph, or like try to make them stand alone. Here's an example.
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Vipor, being the menacing, yet, composed feline to ever work as a business man and mafia leader, spoke with a genuine smile that even made Mr. Wright feel warm inside, then also feel a chill down his spine so greatly the bone was probably going to crack.
"I don't consider "killing" to be the right word to use for my actions, my good man. In fact, it's the most harshest thing I would ever try to plunge myself to do."
The tiger, sitting behind the desk across from the interviewer, brings his face up closer to Mr. Wright, so that way, he can see that his sincere, devilish smile was still there to torture his cracking spine, enough for it to break in half.
"I didn't "kill" the man, Mr. Wright... I merely "punished" him."
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Something like that, if you catch my drift.
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Kingdom Hearts: TKW --- *MyFantasiWorld
Conker's Clubhouse --- ~TheCockAndPlucker
Gears of War Fanclub --- ~GearsOfWarClub
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The habits will find you! D:
Okay then, I'll be sure to see what is really going on as I read more into your story.
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Kingdom Hearts: TKW --- *MyFantasiWorld
Conker's Clubhouse --- ~TheCockAndPlucker
Gears of War Fanclub --- ~GearsOfWarClub
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Kingdom Hearts: TKW --- *MyFantasiWorld
Conker's Clubhouse --- ~TheCockAndPlucker
Gears of War Fanclub --- ~GearsOfWarClub
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